It's interesting to do this again but feel like it's the first time. I started blogging almost 10 years ago. I was newly married and I just had my first child. My world then was a mix of hormones, adjustment, rosy clouds of the future I dreamed I would have, sleepless nights, long work days, and hormones. My first blog was all about what I was going through as a mother and wife. It was glorious since I had always had a diary in some form, since I was in grade school.
But my blogging stopped after my second child and then my separation, when my world as I knew it then, fell apart.
I tried to blog again, a new blog, this time as a separated, single mom to two kids with a renewed faith in the Lord, and it was cathartic for a while (as writing is and always will be to me). But that stopped too when my annulment was in full swing. That was a time when I felt like all my words refused to come out; when they would swim uselessly in my head and my heart, becoming like a pond of stagnant, murky water. I really thought then that I would never feel the deisre to start or the patience and calmness to write anything ever again.
I guess I was wrong. I guess when you've had words as your bestest friends all your life, you really can't shut them down or out. You really can't silence them or hide from them or decide to "unfriend" them. They will always be there, waiting for you to be ready to take them up again, to use them again to work something out, to clarify, to define, to state.
So here I am on my third, and hopefully last, retry at blogging. I hope this time I can keep this going as I hope to use this to remind myself of who I am, at the same time, understand who I am at the core, why I believe in certain things, why I won't stand for others, and consequently, what dreams I may have and hold dear.
But my blogging stopped after my second child and then my separation, when my world as I knew it then, fell apart.
I tried to blog again, a new blog, this time as a separated, single mom to two kids with a renewed faith in the Lord, and it was cathartic for a while (as writing is and always will be to me). But that stopped too when my annulment was in full swing. That was a time when I felt like all my words refused to come out; when they would swim uselessly in my head and my heart, becoming like a pond of stagnant, murky water. I really thought then that I would never feel the deisre to start or the patience and calmness to write anything ever again.
I guess I was wrong. I guess when you've had words as your bestest friends all your life, you really can't shut them down or out. You really can't silence them or hide from them or decide to "unfriend" them. They will always be there, waiting for you to be ready to take them up again, to use them again to work something out, to clarify, to define, to state.
So here I am on my third, and hopefully last, retry at blogging. I hope this time I can keep this going as I hope to use this to remind myself of who I am, at the same time, understand who I am at the core, why I believe in certain things, why I won't stand for others, and consequently, what dreams I may have and hold dear.
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